It is with great pleasure that I announce today that I've completed my 2007 taxes. You know how tech-savvy I am, so it can't come as any surprise to you that I used TurboTax.
Here's the bad news first: I owe $212,028 in state taxes and $1,504,972.00 in federal taxes for the $4 million dollars I made signing a book contract for What Mickey Knows.
But I offset this with...
TIP #1: Take a trip to Las Vegas.
Pay off your tax burden and have a good time. Go to the Wynn Las Vegas for the weekend and win big. I did. There's no income tax and you can make enough money to pay off your tax bill.
That was all good, but when I came to my Massachusetts state tax return, I found out that I was going to be penalized for not having health insurance. Do I look like I need health insurance?
This had me down until I realized...
TIP #2: Become a Christian Scientist
Avoid any penalty fees by changing your religious affiliation.
All you have to do is fill out this application.
So now I'm a Christian Scientist and rich and my taxes are done. I hope this news cheers you up. It certainly has cheered me up.
Until we meet next,
I remain your devoted