Friday, February 22, 2008


Do you think that what people don't know can't hurt them? I was just eating some of the weasels' Valentine's Day candy, and thinking that it can't. The oldest weasel got two-thousand heart-shaped, cherry-flavored lollipops in her Valentine's Day bag. Those things will rot your teeth.

The great thing about a young weasel is that you can steal freely from it. Most things, anyway.

Sometimes the pressure of having an A+ blood type gets to me, and I break down and eat a lot of candy. Do you ever do that? It's not easy having the highest grade blood flowing through you day and night.

Now I will tell you a story:

Once upon a time there was a dog named Mickey, who was very smart and very healthy. He had a best friend named Harriet who was old and decrepit but could still talk and think and eat.

One day Harriet caught Mickey stealing candy from some young animals. She got all judgmental and scolded him. The next day Mickey noticed something brown on Harriet's mouth. It turned out that she was stealing candy, too.

Do you know what the moral of this story is?

My horoscope says that next week promises to be a better week for the blog. This moon eclipse has got me all screwed up.

Until more interesting times,
I remain,
your host and friend,

Monday, February 18, 2008

My Blood Type

You're probably wondering what my blood type is. Well it's A+-- that's A plus. If I went to school, this is the grade I would get. There is a book called Eat Right 4 Your Type: The Individualized Diet Solution to Staying Healthy, Living Longer & Achieving Your Ideal Weight, which I read cover-to-cover. I do want to stay healthy and live longer. Harriet didn't read this book and look at her.

I already am at my ideal weight.

Not to brag. If anything I could use a little more stuffing. But that's another problem involving the Weasels.

What they recommend for the A plus diet is that you eat only the most healthy things. Which is why I eat organic fruit poptarts.

I eat them both toasted and straight from the box (raw).

If you're eating raw, that's what you should do.

If you want specialized recommendations for your blood type, please email me at

Until next week,
I wish you good health.
Your friend and advisor,

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Fish and Other Fishy Things

Hello Reader!

Guess what? This weekend Harriet and I went to the aquarium and saw some fish. This certain aquarium that we repaired to has an enormous tank in which all of the fish animals swim. Little fish, big fish, turtles, sting rays, and sharks. The official line is that they don't eat each other because they are well fed. Not so! While I was there, a large turtle demolished a fish, chomping it up and spewing raw fish debris all over the tank. It reminded me of the eating habits of a certain weasel I know. I also witnessed a sting ray biting the back of another sting ray. There was a brief scuffle, and I was splashed. Don't worry, I'm alright.

This leads me to my first point, which is that you can't believe what people tell you, no matter how important or official they seem.

Some turtles can't get enough to eat, no matter how much you feed them. Which also calls to mind that weasel referred to earlier.

Fish aren't particularly friendly. This is my second and final point. I suppose this is where the expression "as cold as a fish" comes from. I am a friendly dog. I don't think anyone would question that, and as I tried over and over to get the attention of the fish going by, I was snubbed repeatedly.

Some creatures were downright rude.

I thought this one might have been smiling at me.

But Harriet disagrees.

And really, if they weren't outright rude, they were just unrepsonsive.

I am probably being over sensitive. I feel this same way about the people in the town I live in, and yet many people are very happy living here.

But don't let me discourage you from going to your own aquarium. Just put on your thick skin and lower your expectations. Some of the fish are really quite lovely.

And with that, I leave you, until next week, I remain, your faithful and friendly dog, Mickey.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Harriet Still Sharper Than Mickey Even Though Predemented

This is Harriet.

You know, it's kind of curious that Mickey would write that I am predemented. Is he a fortune teller? How can he tell that I'm going to be demented in the future? I never went to a doctor, and that scan Mickey claims is of my brain is just a Photoshopped version of a scan he found on the web. He's really into Photoshop now that he found some Photoshop tutorials that are made just for him.

I may not look as good as I did when I was in my prime, but my brain is still youthful. Sure, I forget names and dumb blog entries, but that is because my brain is occupied with more important things.

Here's what I like to do:

And here's what Mickey likes to do:

You be the judge.

Yours respectfully,