Thursday, January 29, 2009

Child Proofing

Hello Reader,

My recent problems sleeping have introduced me to the term child-proofing. Possibly you are already familiar with it. Apparently they make a slew of gadgets that allow you to protect yourself from children and their unwanted side effects. I found one such device in my search for a good night's sleep, and I would like to share it with you.

It's a light switch protector.

You screw it on top of your light switch, and small children (the most dangerous kind) are unable to use it.

Every since I installed this $15 piece of plastic, I have slept soundly from 10:15 until 7 am. It has done wonders for my disposition.

Harriet has not been fazed by any of this as she can barely hear and wakes up at 4 am, in any event, as many old people do.

Until the next,
I remain your faithful dog,
full of helpful hints and general good advice,

Thursday, January 15, 2009

More Trouble with Hector

Hello readers,

Some of you have been asking how Hector has been coming along. Not well. We still the same attitude problems. See this for further clarification.

Please write with any suggestions. In this economy I feel bad letting Hector go, especially when his girlfriend is counting on him for cheese and cigarettes, but we are not running a charity here at Harriet and Mickey's. As you know.

Your troubled friend and employer,

Monday, January 5, 2009


Hello readers!

Happy New Year! Now it is 2009, eh? Time moves forward and change is inevitable, and so on. But I'm afraid it's all too true. The weasels, who until this point slept each in their own room, have now decided to share a room. Possibly they are feeling the effects of the economy.

Regardless of their impetus, the effect is that they are now waking together at 6 am (sometimes 5:15!) and making a great deal of noise. I am an equal member of this household. I pay my rent and on time. 6 am is not the hour at which I choose to rise!

Excuse my exclamation points, but I am very agitated! I have been considering a host of solutions. The first is to place some sort of large clock with large hands in their bedroom and tell them not to talk at least until the big hand is on the 12 and the small hand is on the 7. But the weasels are not bright (as you know) and this is beyond their capacities.

Another option is to disconnect the light in their room so that they can't turn it on. Perhaps the darkness will keep them quiet. But the light is wired in, and I am not an electrician. Nor is Harriet. Nor is Hector (obviously).

Finally I have considered placing a white noise generating machine next to my pillow to drown out the weasels' shouts. This is perhaps the easiest solution, and after I try it tonight I'll let you know how effective it is.

Your irritated and overtired,