Animals Cohabitating

Hello Readers,

I have been posting mainly about the animals I live with lately. My roommates, as it were. Very much like humans, we animals too run into personality conflicts and the like with each other. For instance, Harriet's recent obsession with healthfood. Or Johnny's constant buzzing around my Halloween candy. He keeps saying he's "just looking."

Anyhow. Things could be worse. Here is a video I came across this week of some animals cohabitating and not well.



I hope you're getting along with your roommates. After all, we all need a place to live.

Your friend,
and counselor,
Mickey

Fair Trade Candy

Hello Readers!

Can you tell I've cheered up since last week? Do you want to know why? The answer is: Halloween Candy!

I've found another benefit of living with the weasels. They don't know how to trade. On Halloween they dressed up all cute like animals and scored a lot of candy from the neighbors. The one dressed as a rabbit was particularly good at milking her cuteness and got like three pieces of candy from each house.



When they got home, I inspected their loot.

And the next morning I explained trading to them.




They're not too bright, if you know what I mean ;)



Did I really complain about living with weasels? Living with weasels is great!

Your well-stocked friend,
Mickey

Ethics

Do you think that what people don't know can't hurt them? I was just eating some of the weasels' Valentine's Day candy, and thinking that it can't. The oldest weasel got two-thousand heart-shaped, cherry-flavored lollipops in her Valentine's Day bag. Those things will rot your teeth.



The great thing about a young weasel is that you can steal freely from it. Most things, anyway.

Sometimes the pressure of having an A+ blood type gets to me, and I break down and eat a lot of candy. Do you ever do that? It's not easy having the highest grade blood flowing through you day and night.



Now I will tell you a story:

Once upon a time there was a dog named Mickey, who was very smart and very healthy. He had a best friend named Harriet who was old and decrepit but could still talk and think and eat.

One day Harriet caught Mickey stealing candy from some young animals. She got all judgmental and scolded him. The next day Mickey noticed something brown on Harriet's mouth. It turned out that she was stealing candy, too.



Do you know what the moral of this story is?

My horoscope says that next week promises to be a better week for the blog. This moon eclipse has got me all screwed up.

Until more interesting times,
I remain,
your host and friend,
Mickey

Etiquette

This isn't strictly a blog about etiquette, but recently one of our readers wrote in about a problem. What do you do when you have visitors and you don't want to share your Christmas candy with them? Should you hide it? Should you eat it all before they arrive?



These are all good questions, and I am going to attempt to answer them in a satisfactory manner. First of all, you shouldn't eat it all before they get there, because then you won't have any left when they leave-- which is exactly the outcome you're trying to avoid.

Hiding it is a good idea, but what if they ask, "Where is all that candy I gave you for Christmas?" While this is rude on their part, you will still need to reply. And what will you say?

Here is what I propose. Take a small portion of your Christmas candy, choosing from among the candy you like least, and put it in a cabinet. Not exactly hidden, but not in plain view. If your visitor asks for it, you can tell them where it is and possibly offer them some.

With any luck, they won't ask for it, won't see it, and you'll be scott free!

And that's just another handy tip from The Harriet and Mickey Chronicle, where you'll find some of the web's most insightful commentary and advice.

Yours truly,
Harriet

Christmas

Whew. Harriet says we're supposed to write in this blog every Sunday, but look, I've been too busy. You can't imagine how much candy there is around here and how distracting that is to me. I have a big stash, in a location which will remain undisclosed.

Did you get many presents? Harriet didn't, but I did. Well, it was mostly candy. Otherwise I got one real present which I believe is a stool. Harriet is all like talking about the true meaning of Christmas but secretly wishing she knew where I'm keeping my candy.



Do you ever get presents and not know what they're for? One time I got a jar of Bag Balm, which is a balm for cow's udders. Do I look like a cow?

So this is my stool.


It's a little tricky to get onto. And it has no back rest, which makes it uncomfortable to sit in after a short time. But I will send out a thank you note, nonetheless.

Dear Santa,

Thanks so much for my stool! Did your elves build it in the shop? Do you think you can get them to make a back rest and stairs for it?

Love,
Mickey

And now I will leave you with a thank you note tip. If you get a present that falls short of your modest Christmas wishes and you don't know what to say about it, use a lot of exclamation points!!!

Catch you later,
Mickey